my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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