so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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