if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
