You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Everclear isn't food dammit
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
