Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
