i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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