Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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