I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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