he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
