apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
