there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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