Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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