I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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