Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It's shark week go big or go home
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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