Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
