yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
