It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
