I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
