I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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