I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
