Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
