so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
