I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
