why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
