so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
handjob tips. give me some.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
