im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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