shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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