sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize