Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
