spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want to fling myself into the sun
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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