did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
