We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
