Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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