Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
