sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
