i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
