This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
