I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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