Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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