I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
