So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
