Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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