stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize