i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She announced her abortion via fbk
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
