he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
