apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
