If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
