He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Someone signed my nipple.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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