you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
