The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
