Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
