you're like a bully in the Christmas story
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
