It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
