totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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