I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
