i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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