it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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