I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
