Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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