I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
