he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
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