im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
