We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
