You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
