i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
