I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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