I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
