He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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