Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
