"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
