Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
The Olympian is in my bed
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