Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
