hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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