I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
drinking out of a sandbucket again
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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