Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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