im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize