remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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