The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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