I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
