i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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