When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
