He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
