I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
