the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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