so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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