hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
