So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Randomize
