Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
