I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
