suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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