your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
