You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We had to coat check the pizza.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize