i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
