some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Dick very happy bro
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
